When you’re pregnant, you’re dying to tell the world, but you want to wait till you pass the 12-week milestone. Waiting till the end of the first trimester is increasingly common, as this period is normally the highest risk period for any pregnancy complications.
But for someone like me who found out that I was expecting finally after two consecutive miscarriages, the emotions can be extra complicated. I was no longer grieving but the pain and somehow the fear of loss is still there.
When the two pink lines in the litmus paper showed up so quickly this time, I cried secretly. I didn’t tell my husband right away after I had my home pregnancy test. Not just those happy excited tears but the anxiety that I could lose her/him again. No one is prepared for that anyway. Everyday that passes by, I slowly let myself believe the lines are for real.
WHEN I TOOK THE TEST, AND IN THAT MOMENT, AS I STARED AT THE TWO PINK LINES, THERE WERE ONLY TWO CREATURES THAT KNEW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF MY BABY: ME, AND HIM or HER
So I kept the pregnancy test kit for a while. Though I can feel that he’s also hoping because he knows exactly the calendar. Until I couldn’t hide my excitement too, so I’ve revealed to him one morning.
It was on 5th week. We decided not to consult a physician yet. Instead we let another two weeks passed by. This time, we took things differently and slowly — we kept it to ourselves first. So, we had a little secret until 12 weeks. And we decided to just inform our immediate family and our CFC (household) community.
Probably people will say that there couldn’t be any reason to keep such a large life-changing moment a secret. However, our family and household/community weren’t too surprised when we asked them to avoid posting anything on social media and telling other people until we were ready.
You see, although I spend a lot of time on the internet and writing about my personal experiences, I’m actually not very open with most details of my life. I like to have my privacy and I love to share intimate parts of myself with only those closest to me.
Sometimes it’s good to keep everything in private and I don’t see any advantage of posting in social media and letting the world know about my personal life. I’m not a celebrity or public figure anyway. 🙂
Months went by before my friends asked if they’d ever see anything pop up on my Instagram. However, found out Mama have informed other members of the family and close friends. To be honest, I think it was harder for them to keep secret than it was for Ed and I. Yet, we kept quiet. We felt it was comfortable and natural to only have to worry about pleasing ourselves.
WE WERE ABLE TO DO THINGS ON OUR SCHEDULE, TO OUR OWN AGENDA AND WITHOUT ANY UNWANTED ADVICE
At first, we thought we’d wait until after Christmas. But once Christmas passed we realized the more honest timeline that worked for us was “as long as possible.” So, we decided to keep it until or at least a week before I deliver. I even took some time off from blogging and posting whole body photos on social media.
It was nice to share this time with just ourselves and our family. I want to get back to those days when the only people who wished you happy birthday were the ones who are closest to you or phoned you. They are the ones who knows your birthday even without the reminder from Facebook. So, rather than miss those feelings yet again — we decided not to. We shared this special time without anyone else, and it felt so much more intimate and stress-free. We were able to do things on our schedule, to our own agenda and without any unwanted or unsolicited advice. It has been truly beautiful.
The moment we decided we were going to keep the majority of our pregnancy offline, an instant relief lifted directly off of my shoulders.
I love being pregnant and I love the way my body feels. I love the movement of the baby when I lay still at night and I love how honestly healthy I have felt. I’ve been in better spirits since being pregnant and no stomach pains, bleeding and other health issues have been existed for nine whole months. So, thanks, baby. For making my 2020 start so wonderfully. To God be the glory!